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Yup...first potty training post...

So DD is 20 months in a few days, and i'm scheduled to deliver baby sister on Jan 10. My dad's mom thinks things will be best if I tried getting DD potty trained or at least familiar with the potty ASAP. She says I do NOT want two in diapers, and that DD is going to regress when her baby sister comes, and it will be even harder to potty train her then. DD is really jealous and new baby isn't even here yet, so I would tend to agree. We haven't even had a potty talk yet. She follows me to the bathroom when I potty, and stays with me until I leave, and I tell her "Mommy is going to go potty," but I don't think she even gets it. I really don't think she's ready. I would like her to be able to communicate better about pottying, and at least become more comfortable and understand the idea of pottying before we just kinda spring it on her like that. I've heard of parents potty training at 2, 3, and 4. I'm thinking we should wait until she's at least 2, but that's just me. Any input?


( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:06 pm (UTC)
Personally I feel like if she's not really interested or familiar with it, it will be a lot harder. Have you tried getting her a little potty to practice with? We had one for my daughter months before she started training and she would just go sit on it to get familiar with it. FWIW my daughter fully trained at around 30 months.
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
I was pretty much in your shoes, only mine had already turned 2. I was like "Welp, you're 2, time to use the potty!" and if I could turn back time I would turn that back so very very very fast. It lead to over a year of potty training him.

If she were communicating to you that she was ready and excited and yay about it, I'd say go for it. If it's just so you don't have 2 in diapers, skip it and wait til she's ready. The more ready they are the quicker it goes....Not to mention 2 in diaper is really easier than 1 in diapers and one peeing and pooping everywhere because they are not ready to potty train.
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:46 pm (UTC)
I totally agree with everything in this comment. I read a book on pottytraining, bought a potty and tried to start my son on it at 18 months cause I was pregnant but really it didn't work.

He is becoming more aware of it now and uses it once in a blue moon. I have two in diapers and really - no hassle.

Look at her cues and take it from there. Also regression? I have hardly noticed any except that he cries a bit more cause he can see crying works for his sister on the immediate attention front :).
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:56 pm (UTC)
Nov. 29th, 2012 10:02 pm (UTC)
I bet that two in diapers is easier than being at the potty beck-and-call of a toddler while immediately postpartum too. My oldest was fully potty trained when I had my second but he still needed help getting off the toilet without falling (he could climb up ok) and needed help wiping. I had a reaction after my c-section where I greyed out whenever I tried to stand up (only blacked out that first time getting up after the surgery) for about 6 weeks and having to get myself up and hustle down the hall multiple times a day to help my 2.5 year old off the toilet before he fell and hurt himself was killer.
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:12 pm (UTC)
If she's not ready then you'll be wasting your time trying to force her to be.

I have 2 in diapers (15 months apart) and it's no big deal. My oldest will be potty training soon and while he may have been ready a few months ago, we're waiting until we are confident that it is the right time (he'll be about 2.5 years old when we start). It's not an age thing, it's an every-child-is-unique-and-ready-in-their-own-time thing.

If your dad's mom is so certain that your daughter will regress then why would she push you to potty train when that implies your daughter may be making messes in her underwear instead of her diaper?

I'd wait until after baby is born and you're recovered enough to help your daughter to go potty and to clean up any messes she may make accidentally. Why add more stress to both of you when you're extremely pregnant and about to have a good portion of your attention be on the newborn for a bit?

Nov. 29th, 2012 08:15 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I don't see why two in diapers would be more work than one, but that might just be me. If you're really worried about a regression, and feel that she isn't ready in the first place, wouldn't the regression result in back to diapers after having just been potty trained? I personally would wait until she's ready. If she feels rushed, it will not help her understanding anyway. You know your kid best, and it reads like you've already made up your mind. Keep taking her to potty with you, talk about it when the situation arises, and go with the flow, then it will be right.
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
If you wait until she's ready, it will be much less stress for all of you. Having two in diapers is not that big a deal, especially with an older toddler who probably doesn't need changing as frequently. My girls decided they were done with diapers about six weeks after they turned 2, and the early stage of asking/reminding them to go and wiping them and cleaning up accidents and them wanting to pee every 5 minutes because it was new and exciting...diapers would have been easier!
Nov. 29th, 2012 08:21 pm (UTC)
I tried to do that with my 20 month old son when I was pregnant because of the same "I don't want two in diapers" thought, and let me tell you, it was much harder to potty train while pregnant (especially in the last few months) and have to clean up pee/poop with pregnancy senses and discomfort than it was having two in diapers. Not to mention, there will most likely be regression after the baby is born and going in diapers which you will be too exhausted to take care of and get her back on track. If I were you, wait until the baby is a few months old to do any serious potty training. You can introduce her to the potty, get her a potty doll/book/video, but speaking from experience, just relax for now.
Nov. 29th, 2012 09:14 pm (UTC)
Do whatever you and your daughter want.
Nov. 29th, 2012 09:24 pm (UTC)
I personally think I'd wait. Does she tell you see peed/pooped? Does he go for a period of time dry? I feel like if you don't think she is ready it will only cause more frustration and difficulty for the both of you.

I don't have another baby coming, but my son is 25 months and he's just plain not ready yet. He's able to tell me when he pooped but doesn't really bother to tell me when he is wet. He also thinks it's amusing to tell me he pooped when he hasn't. He knows what it is, and says "bye" to it when he flush ours if he's in the room with us, but he's still not ready to make that step.

Good luck with whichever you decide :)
Nov. 29th, 2012 09:27 pm (UTC)
Two in nappies is not that bad!
Nov. 29th, 2012 09:36 pm (UTC)
I don't think it's worth the hassle. If she's already jealous, she'll only fight you. Then you'll be dealing with a new baby, a cranky kiddo, accidents galore, and you'll just be frazzled. To me, two in diapers would be a MUCH better option. I only don't like the idea of two in diapers because of cost, but in terms of convenience? Simple enough IMO. At least, simpler than trying to deal with a kid who isn't ready. :P

Nov. 29th, 2012 09:54 pm (UTC)
I tried the whole "potty train before baby is born" thing with my last kid (she was about 2 years and 4 months at the time) totally didn't work, had the two in diapers, and she potty trained for real a full year after my first attempt. the new baby was 5 months old by then.

though this was my 4th kid (and 5th pregnancy) and with all the others, I've had 3 in diapers, twice (first 3, then potty trained one before my 4th was born). I mean, it's totally manageable, and easier than trying to remember to get a barely-potty trained, or potty training, toddler to the potty while dealing with a newborn. if you wait until she's 3, or almost 3, the new baby regression thing (if it happens) will be over, and your older kid will be much closer to actually getting potty training on her own. I should point out that our second attempt in the scenario above lasted.. one day. by day 2 there were no more accidents.
Nov. 29th, 2012 09:54 pm (UTC)
My April '11 baby just started going to bed without diapers this week...it's certainly not too early, but if you aren't interested in potty training I'd wait. I've never had 2 in diapers but from what I've heard it isn't that bad, and I always had a wistful feeling when I finished potty training while pregnant (twice) and then realized I was diving back in in 3 months :-p.
Nov. 29th, 2012 10:15 pm (UTC)
My son potty trained right around 2 years old, but he was interested in it and wanted to do it. I haven't seen much success with parents who push their kids to potty train when the kids don't show interest or understanding.

As an aside, you should probably work with your daughter to help her with her jealousy. I was surprised to read it. In my experience, most kids are super stoked about another one on the way until reality hits.
Nov. 29th, 2012 10:42 pm (UTC)
If she's not ready, she isn't ready. It'll be harder on you to deal with a fight about potty training if she's not ready for it.

Also,,two in diapers is not that bad. Surely washing pee and poop out of clothes and undies would be a lot worse than changing a diaper.
Nov. 29th, 2012 10:46 pm (UTC)
You should have the potty talk, if that means "grown ups and big kids pee and poo in the potty, and you will too someday." I think it should be a regular part of conversation with little ones, even before they're ready to try it out. Talk about it until she's comfortable with that step, and go from there. I'd also agree with buying her a potty to practice on (or for her toys to practice on, if nothing else. Teaching her toys how to go potty will help HER learn).

But if she isn't showing any signs, I wouldn't force it or even rush into it. And at 20 months, it's unlikely you'll be 100% done training her by your due date, even if she WAS ready to begin right now. I agree with the people who say that having a toddler who wants to use the potty and wear underwear, and gives you about 4 seconds notice before wetting herself AND having a newborn is going to be more stressful than having 2 in diapers. I don't think you should postpone talking about the potty or getting a potty for her until she's "at least" 2, I think now is the time, but once you start talking about it with her (and reading books, perhaps), you'll start her thinking about it, and that begins the process, and you can take her cues from there to see how much she is willing to try and how much cooperation you can gently encourage from her.

PS. Don't worry about the jealousy thing too much. My older daughter was SO jealous that when I picked up my cousin's baby, she threw a huge fit. I couldn't play with other babies or give any time at all to them, but her baby sister was HER baby, and she wasn't nearly as jealous of her. I mean, it still happened, especially during nursing those first few weeks, since I couldn't do anything else while it was still tender for me to nurse and to jump up off the couch, and to nurse a 10lb newborn one handed too, so there was that jealousy, but we made sure to warn her before nursing time, play with her for a minute before and after nursing and she soon learned she wasn't being left out. Also, I think it helped that we got a stuffed unicorn for big sister, and said it was from the new baby, and DD1 LOVED that thing, and nursed it, and put it down for naps, and copied what I was doing with the baby, but on her unicorn. And we reminded her it was from the baby, and doesn't the baby love her SO much, etc. I think that helped too.
Nov. 29th, 2012 10:46 pm (UTC)
I've had three in diapers-- for years, because I have six kids very close together, so as soon as one trained, another baby came along. It was no bother. I don't really potty train my kids. I just wait for them to do it on their own. It's not as stressful as knowing where every bathroom is and running for it. When they decide they're ready on their own, even if it means they're-- eek-- four, they have great control and there aren't really any accidents at all.
Nov. 29th, 2012 11:59 pm (UTC)
Sorry it's taken me this long to get on and get back to you guys!!
I agree with most of what you ladies have said. I agree that at this point, she's way too young for potty training. I told my mom and father in law and they agree. She's not even two yet. I myself don't think having two in diapers will be bad at all, because it's not like they're going to go at the same time, and changing diapers doesn't bug me much anyway. I had a friend tell me, "let them be old enough not to have to "train." Wait until they're waking up at least from naps dry and tend to tell you every now and then when they're wet or dirty. Usually around 3 years." And I think that sounds like a better option, at least until she shows signs of readiness and understanding, neither of which she has now, at 20 months.
Nov. 30th, 2012 05:50 am (UTC)
Don't assume they won't go at once, just warning you. My younger two thought it was hilarious to simultaneously take a dump right before we headed out to run errands. Like, we'd be right at the door and I'd hear them cackling and then hear "I pooooooped!"

Nov. 30th, 2012 04:33 pm (UTC)
LOL! I was wrong!!! That's too cute.
Nov. 30th, 2012 01:36 am (UTC)
Even if they are ready, there WILL be a regression when the baby is born. I had this issue too. I didn't want 2 in diapers. We cloth diaper. 2x the laundry.... *groan*.

Baby is 4 months old, and he's just now starting to periodically ask. He's now at least TELLING ME when he's wet or dirty, which is a huge step.
Nov. 30th, 2012 01:40 am (UTC)
I trained a young child (daughter was 16 months when we switched to underwear for daytime) and I would NOT recommend trying to train a child who isn't ready.

Potty training is stressful enough for a child who IS showing signs of readiness. There will be accidents. You have to NOT get stressed out or mad. She has to not get stressed out or mad. If she's not physically ready to hold pee/poop or sense when she has the urge, no amount of training will be a success.

Signs of readiness can include:
-waking up from naps/overnight dry
-telling you immediately before or immediately after going (or, consistently running to another room before going)
-asking for diaper changes right after going
-asking questions about what you are doing in the bathroom

What you CAN do, though, is start to teach her the language she needs to express herself about potty. So, when you change a poopy diaper, say, "Oh, you pooped! Lets change your diaper, then we can dump the poop in the potty where it belongs!" Or, "lets get a new diaper- this one has pee in it." If you manage to catch her right as she's going, say something like, "Are you going poop right now?" Familiarizing her with the words in relation to the sensation will be helpful when she is starting to express interest.
Nov. 30th, 2012 02:08 am (UTC)
This article is a good read - written by a pediatric urologist warning about the danger of too-early potty training.

Nov. 30th, 2012 02:08 am (UTC)
Two in diapers isn't that big of a deal. At all. Like, not even a blip on the parenting radar.

In my experience, all three of my children became very reliably potty-proficient at around 3 years old. One started a month before she turned three and was a rockstar within a month, and one wanted to start well before she turned 2, and though she was very interested, she still wasn't reliable until she was 3. My son was about in the middle, a bit earlier at about 2 years, 8 months, but still taking until he was just over 3 to get it all together.

If you really want to be the potty police, go for it. If YOU want to, she can probably become interested and at least willing to humor you, but I certainly wouldn't expect any actual, reliable diaper-free children in your home in the next 12 months if you're not willing to put in a lot of work, which...IMO, is way harder than changing a second set of diapers.
Nov. 30th, 2012 02:13 am (UTC)
I mostly started potty training to save on diapers... Around the time my daughter was 21-22 months old, I noticed that she would soak a diaper soon after waking in the morning, so instead of changing her diaper first thing, I put her on the toilet. She had been going in the bathroom with me, but I don't think she was able to figure out what was happening until she did it herself. We just sort of started one day, so there were never any potty talks or special equipment. Then I started noticing she pooped mostly in the evenings, so if she hadn't gone by the time we were done with dinner, I would plop her on the toilet. Sometimes she would go, other times she would go in the diaper after it was back on, but once she was mostly going in the toilet, I would reward her by letting her wear panties until bedtime. Daycare started putting them on toilets at 2 years old, and at 2.5 she asked to wear panties all day. We used pull-ups at night for a while because I did not feel I had the energy to deal with accidents in bed even though she was mostly dry.

If you feel like you can take it slow and don't want to force it on her, pay attention to figure out if she is wetting her diaper at certain times like when she wakes or while you run the bath water. This way you are also starting to teach her without taking away the diapers, so you don't need to worry about accidents especially when you are busy with the new baby.
Nov. 30th, 2012 11:28 am (UTC)
I think pushing potty training on a child who isn't ready creates far, far more difficulties than having two children in nappies would ever do.
Nov. 30th, 2012 06:36 pm (UTC)
I had three in diapers, for a loooooong time (OK, only a couple of years, it just seemed longer).

Other than having to practically haul around a suitcase whenever we left the house, it's not the end of the world. I'd take the diapers over the stress & uncertainty of potty training one while about to pop / handling a newborn.

If she is ready soon, pull-ups are a great help so you don't have to drop the baby to help get a diaper off (or clean up an accident), though a bit pricey.
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )


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