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Parenting 101

A Beginner Course in Creative Parenting


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belly barf
so_there wrote in parenting101


so a friend lost her 2 year old son a few weeks ago. it was somewhat unexpected--he had surgery a few weeks prior then the site got infected and spread through his whole body.

a mom from our mom group wants to put together a memorial quilt, so she passed out blank squares for each family to decorate, write on, whatever. I'm drawing a complete and total blank. seriously. and I have to have this back by the 10th, which includes mailing it, so more like, uh, tomorrow or something.

any ideas? they are religious so mention of God/heaven/Jesus is fine. and just for context, he'd been adopted at a year old and they had him for 14 months. his first year of life was in an overseas orphanage where he'd been malnourished and had very little human contact.

Oh, how awful. I'm so sorry.

If you knew him much, maybe incorporate things that he liked. Trains? Dinosaurs? Elmo? Maybe a flag from his home country?

I like the flag from his country, if it's something easy!

I had to look it up. it's ukraine, which from the looks of it could only be easier if it were a solid color (it's two colors, half and half).

I like the flag idea, actually. I'm thinking maybe next to a really simplified US flag?

I'm so sorry to hear this.

How big are the squares?

If it was me, I would draw a big heart in red marker pen, without filiing it in, and then have everyone relevant/your family write their names around the edges, and then leave it at that. Or inside, if there isn't much space outside. If I was feeling so inclined afterwards, I would then embroider over the heart and/or the names, to make it look like it had contained some effort and care. But I wouldn't know what to say either. :-(

the squares are like.. 4". and I already gave up the fabric marker they gave me (I had to pass along squares to other moms but they only gave me one marker) so I have to stitch whatever I do. :P probably start with pencil and stitch over it.

I'd forgotten about fabric markers, I was just thinking of an ordinary permanent marker. But yeah, stitching over pencil works too. :)

You can use sharpies on a quilt and they won't bleed or fade. I'm a quilter and can vouch for that. :-)

While I've never lost a child, I have lost a loved one and nothing came close to hearing how people remembered my loved one.

Maybe write or draw something that reminds you of him or that you remember.

How terrible, I'm so sorry.

Were there games you played with him? Did your child play with him at all? Perhaps you could incorporate something they did together? I think I would be trying to do something that related to a personal memory of him, some connection I had. Given that all of the religious and family context will probably be covered, it seems like that might be nice (in as much as any of this is "nice"), knowing that your child touched other people's lives too.

PS a friend of mine had a rough time after losing someone in her mother's group. Hope you are taking care of yourself too.

Would it be appropriate to get your child to do a drawing for him?

I'm so sorry. That poor family. :( I'm glad that he was here long enough to be with a loving family.

I like acheuleanhandax's ideas, too. If you wanted to put in a religious aspect, maybe an angel or a lamb?

So sorry to hear about your friends lost!!

This is a poem that I've always loved about the loss of a baby/child from the parents' point of view. Perhaps you could write this or a portion of it depending on the size of the square. Or you could find another poem or prayer that might have meaning to you or your friend. This one is called "Prayer for a Very New Angel". I didn't want to post it and take up a lot of space, but here's a link. It's written for a girl, but you could change her/she to him/he.

http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/3023/277.html

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry

yikes. I can't even imagine. I know I would be a total, complete wreck..probably forever. I would do a heart or something with a nice quote about mother's love, or Always in Our Hearts, or something.
That's terrible. :(

You must be talking about Henry. :) What a beautiful boy. I followed his story, as my goddaughter's mother knew him (both adopted through Reece's Rainbow) and visited with him and his mother.

As I have read tributes about Henry, I was struck by how everyone seemed to mention that the great love Henry's family had for him had far reaching consequences-- it inspired many people from the Catholic community to consider adoption of children with disabilities and led to many families finding their children. If I were drawing a patch for Henry, I would probably draw concentric hearts radiating outward in different colors to symbolize what people have said, that his story impacted many people and caused families to adopt.

it's a small world after all! btw this is a super secret project, so hush hush! I only met them a few times, but the first was right before she picked him up-- she was looking for breastmilk donations and I contacted her about that. so, Henry has consumed some of my milk. also it turns out her uncle is the pastor of my church, so I've known him for years!

one of the moms stitched a short poem onto her square, telling how his story was like a pebble in a pond, creating ripples. similar to what you suggested.

mine is done at this point. I used the first commenter's idea of his home country's flag, but made a border with the flag's colors, then used red and blue (US colors) to do stitching. what I wrote was kind of unimaginative, though. it's from the heart, that's what matters.

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