Parenting 101

Red face after Ranch dressing?

2013-05-18T15:39:00Z

My 19 month old loves Hidden Valley Ranch dressing, but every time he has it, his face turns red on the areas where it touched. He has no other side affects, and I've looked at the ingredients to try to figure out what it is, but I can't pinpoint anything specifically. I remember his face got red like that one other time when he ate either banana peppers or an off brand of pickles (unfortunately, I can't remember exactly which). The only similarities in the ingredients is in the preservatives, but its not an exact match- sodium bisulfate in banana peppers and pickles, but disodium phosphate in the ranch. However, they both have sodium, so I'm thinking it's a possible culprit? But isn't sodium essentially salt?
I don't know guys. I mean, on the one hand, it's just a little rash, and it goes away after about an hour and doesn't seem to bother him, but on the other, I'd like to know more about it. I guess I'll tell the doc about it at his next appointment, or do you think I should schedule one sooner to address this?

I know there's not really any specific question in there, I'm just looking for other parent's thoughts on the matter.

Books about being a mom

2013-05-18T04:45:44Z

Any recommendations for books about being a mom? It can be funny or serious...

Unexpected results.

2013-05-16T02:47:41Z

My son, who is currently in Kindergarten, recently completed the IOWA Acceleration test. This supposedly infallible tool (in the words of the Accelerated Learning Specialist) indicated that my son is recommended for promotion to the 2nd grade.

However, being fixated on his small size (he's wee - still climbing the percentiles after a preemie birth) and overall laziness in writing, the principal of his school refused the acceleration.

A few more details - after my normally rule obsessed child began coming home "on yellow" around November break I requested a meeting with his teacher to discuss giving him more challenging work. She suggested acceleration testing, and he began going to math and reading in 1st grade. After a few weeks, he began asking me to homeschool - a little digging revealed that this "subject acceleration" was taking place in the time that previously occupied his recess. Another meeting, and he was released to the playground for 1/2 his recess with his friends.

This morning was the results meeting. Where I was informed that the district was discontinuing subject acceleration due to budget cuts (I had no idea sending my child down a hallway was so expensive) and they want him to go to first grade, which I might have been okay with, in spite of my son's test scores - if he hadn't been going to the first grade for math and reading since December.

Obviously, having him basically repeat the 1st grade is not an option. Private school is not an option for us, unless we win the lottery, or find a school that wants him for test score padding. We live in an allegedly excellent school district, and in fact purchased a little cracker box of a house to be in this district.

My choices are: A) fight the principal by going over her head. But I'm not sure I want to have an adversarial relationship with the administration, since I have a younger daughter who will likely also need advanced instruction. B) Homeschool him next year with a 2nd grade curriculum, and go for the STEM academy in the 3rd grade. or C) Something I haven't thought of yet.

I am applying to the Davidson foundation for a gifted advocate for him, but school ends in 10 days. I'm really quite angry that a testing process I requested in November has taken almost 6 months to complete - leaving me almost no time to appeal the decision or find a viable solution that doesn't involve auditing the 1st grade. Suggestions? Commiseration?

parenting101 @ 2013-05-15T10:16:00

2013-05-15T00:46:36Z

So our baby jogger stroller just came in which I am very excited about be ause we have it and because now I get to leave the house with some ease.

However it stinks, stinks of production chemicals. We have already washed it down once but it still smells. Much less then it did. I neeeed to use it today but I was worried about the smell of chemical being around three month old. It will inside for about an hour, in a bus for about an hour too but outside for the rest. Is it really a big deal? I cannot believe stroller compantines would let their products go out smelling so much if they are meant for babies.

Also aside from the cleaning instructions, what else. An be done to clear the smell, any tips or tricks otherwise not disclosed

Baby number two on the way....how do we deal with the first one?

2013-05-14T02:52:17Z

So hubby and I are expecting again! Baby number two is due December 12. Our daughter will be almost three (her birthday is late January). We live out of state from my parents as well as his. And by out of state, we live in Atlanta, Georgia, my parents live in Chicago and his parents live in California. So not nearby. We are now starting to think about how is this going to work whenever I go into labor? We are going to try to ask our next door neighbor if she could watch our daughter ( she has babysat her before and is great with her.) Dd is sort of comfortable with her but not overly so, she is more comfortable and friendly with out other next door neighbor who has also watched her and is somewhat of a grandmotherly figure but she is older, in her mid seventies and seems to have a hard time climbing stairs so I think asking her to watch our daughter is going to be out of the question for an overnight and who knows how long. I also have a good friend whose daughter is close in age to ours and our daughters know each other well. They go to the same daycare but my friend is also pregnant and due in late August so she will also not be able to help.

So if our neighbor who is able bodied can come and help for a few days, how do we go about this. Those of you who have been in similar situations with all family out of state, how did you go about it? And once the baby is born, did your husband stay with you in the hospital or go back home at night and periodically during the day to be with the older child at home and give the neighbor a break? My husbands parents coming spontaneously is out of the question since they live so far away and it is a small fortune in airfare from Fresno anyway. My mom is way to cheap and too selfish to drop that kind of airfare last minute to get down here. The only possibility is my dad who might do such a thing. Maybe. Also to note, I do have an aunt and two cousins who live in the metro area but each one lives 45 minute drive away in non rush hour traffic. And to be honest none of the, have spent enough time with dd for her to actually know them and be comfortable with them. My aunt might do it....but I have my doubts. Plus she drinks a lot and I would be very uncomfortable having her with the responsibility of watching our daughter alone like that.

My cousins wives have offered to help at times, but they haven't spent much time with our daughter and both of them have multiple children at home. One has three, the youngest is five and her husband travels a lot for his job. The other has two sets do twins one set going on 10 and the other going on 7. One of which has a serious heart deformation, so they both have their hands full.

Introducing nuts and seeds into diet

2013-05-13T18:30:15Z

Hi All,

Happy Monday!

So, I'm wondering if any of you have had experiences with bringing nuts and seeds into your family's diet?

I've been slowly retooling our family's diet into a healthier one. I don't have some sort of plan per se, and am mostly playing it by ear. At this point we've cut out all the artificial dyes from our kitchen. We're omnivorous, but keep mostly to chicken and turkey, and I occasionally look for meat alternatives that Hubs and the kiddos will like and/or not even notice. Fresh fruits and veggies are also pretty big in our house.

Basically, at this point I'm just keen on trying new things. At the moment, I'm wanting to play around with some raw food recipes, and I know that a lot of those incorporate various nuts and seeds.

Our kiddos are two and three years old, and we've got one more on the way. So far, we've got no known food allergies between our kiddos (or ourselves), but I want to play it safe if I end up introducing these new foods into their diets.

If you've been through similar dietary changes, how did your kiddos respond, and how old were they? Do they already have other allergies that may have made you wary? (My son has fierce pollen allergies, for instance. Lots of outdoors allergies, actually.)

Might you have other suggestions for how you've gotten your family's diet to a healthier place?

I Am Fartacus

2013-05-12T19:15:49Z

I decided to post about an awesome Kickstarter project that is struggling that I'd like to see succeed.

It is a children's book called I Am Fartacus (website here, Kickstarter page here). Basically, it's a silly book inspired by a 9 year old's imagination, and illustrated by him. More than that, though, it's a start to a movement to help kids become creative and write the types of stories they want to be told. In the words of the author, "we wanted to promote a kid’s creativity, as well as the parent-child collaboration that so many people enjoy."

The budget the author is asking for is very modest (under $5k, which is very small scale compared to most Kickstarter projects, even most other children's books). More than that, though, the author is promising an e-book to anyone who pledges $10 or more EVEN IF the project fails -- and unfortunately with less than a week left and a little over half way to go, failure is looking more and more like the probable outcome. (And in case you didn't know, Kickstarter is all or nothing -- if you pledge and the project does not succeed, you do not pay a penny and neither does anyone else. The author gets nothing.)

As an English educator, I am very excited about the prospects of involving children in their own story times and publishing their works, and as a follower of this community, I know that you are all parents very invested in the well-beings of your children. It is my hope that at least one of you will see this project and support its success, or that you see this book and say, "My kid would love that!"

If this is not your cup of tea, then ignore and move on, but I wanted to share.

Once again, here is the Kickstarter page. There are less than five days left. Thanks for your time.

Crib Bumpers

2013-05-10T01:22:30Z

Long story short, I'm having my second baby in July and a good friend with mad sewing skillz is making my baby bedding.

[Fears of a Mad Pregnant Woman]

She asked originally if I wanted bumpers and I didn't think much on it and said yes (note: she hasn't started sewing yet, so I could call her and be like NOOOOOO if I needed to be). I'd used them with my first and y'know, they're just sort of everywhere. Well, the whole world changes in babyland all the time and wouldn't you know that things are way different six-seven years later. With my first, I didn't keep them in the crib until he was around 6 months and could roll around himself, lift his head, etc.

Now, however, in the haze of pregnancy anxiety and trying to play catch up on all the rules, I'm second guessing myself. I tried googling alternative ways to dress up a nursery without bumpers but everyone keeps suggesting breathable bumpers which isn't the point I'm going for. I'm all about some decor and I just bought two yards of specialty fabric that was kind of pricey and I want to use it somehow.

Right now she's planning on:

- curtains
- crib skirt
- bumpers (which I want to change out)

- floor pillow/bean bag (for my older son so he could hang out in the nursery and be near me and his brother).

What could I replace the bumpers with decor-wise? I'd rather be safe than not :P

(A side note is that I'd hate for her to make these beautiful bumpers and then I toss them in the corner 90% of the time)

I'm bad at searching communities

2013-05-10T00:01:20Z

So, is there a community for adoption/adoptive parents?

Tia!

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New habit in 4 year old

2013-05-09T17:51:05Z

So my almost 4.5 year old has found a new, drive mommy nuts, habit. He is constantly clearing his throat. Just the one or two grunts that you make, but it's repetitive and has been going on for over a month. He does it mainly when he isn't focused on something else and can easily be redirected/distracted from it, something the pediatrician asked about when I finally took him in. She cleared him health wise and also told me that it's just a habit, something that he'll outgrow, to not give it much attention and it'll pass. She even included that he'll probably move onto some other odd behavior that I won't like and will wish the coughing/clearing of the throat was back. Joy.
I really do ignore it 98% of the time and only will say something if he's been doing it for a solid 10-15 minutes without stopping.
That being said, has your kid done anything like this? How did you stop it? Were you able to at all?
I'm considering cleaning out a cool bottle and filling it with colored water and telling him it's special medicine to help him stop.

Skin Bumps

2013-05-08T01:34:04Z

My two year old in the last two months has developed weird patches of bumps on certain parts of her skin. Touching it feels horrible, a bit like sand paper. They look like tiny little bumps and she gets them on her legs, parts of her arms, but nowhere else. I took her to the Pediatrician and he seemed like it was nothing. He said to put lotion on her more often and only give her a bath once or twice a week. Well, as most parents know, toddlers are a mess and I really can't see giving her a bath and washing her hair only twice a week. Each meal gets in her hair, so thats not practical. I have tried a few different lotions and while they seem to make it feel less gross, the bumps still remain.

Does anyone know what this might be? Should I take her to a Pediatric Dermatologist, or get a second opinion?

Toddler allergies?

2013-05-07T00:40:44Z

So, without the current prescription drugs I'm taking, I'd be a red-eyed, congested, sneezing mess. Unfortunately, it seems that my 18 month old has inherited these problems. He is all stuffed up and keeps rubbing his eyes. The congestion makes it hard for him to sleep. Is there anything I can do to help? I stuck his boppy pillow under his mattress to elevate his head and that helped some for sleeping, but I can tell he still feels crappy. Any other ideas? Thanks.

Poop in the underwear......

2013-05-04T02:56:23Z

We started potty training last Monday, so it's been almost 2 weeks. It's gone really well, and by the second day she wasn't having any pee accidents and has slept all night and naps since then and has kept dry (she's a month shy of turning 3). The problem we've been having however, is poop. The first day of potty training she actually pooped in the potty, but I think it's because she wasn't expecting it maybe and didn't know what was happening.

Well, for the past two weeks, every day (except for that first day), she's been pooping in her underpants. As you can imagine, I'm getting tried of this. I say, "Why didn't you tell mommy?" and she'll just say she doesn't know. Sometimes she says she doesn't like going poop in the potty or that she doesn't want to. I've been trying bribes, she has a toy that's been sitting in the laundry room, which she knows is her "poop toy" (she gets to have it if she goes poop in the potty), and she knows if she goes poop in the potty 3 times we'll go on a special mommy-daughter date, which I know she wants, but still, we're having the problem. I think the second day of potty training she was a little constipated (probably from all the candy and crap she was eating for rewards every time she peed) and she said it hurt to go poo, so maybe that is a factor, but that was almost 2 weeks ago, so I don't really think that's the problem.

I've asked if she needs to go back into diapers like a baby since she can't poop in the potty, but she says no (although recently I was threatening to go get diapers if she couldn't poop in the potty and she said that was ok, so I don't want to push it.. She knows that poop goes in the potty, and she's not happy about it when it happens, but still. I don't know what to do... It's kind of different than pee since it's just once a day. She's totally trained and fine with pee, and tells us every time she needs to go to the bathroom, except for poo. She won't even tell me she has poop in her underwear, but I always smell it and ask and she'll say that she does.

What should I do about this?? She knows there's rewards for going poop, and she wants them, but still it's not changing anything. Has anyone else had this problem? Any advice? :(

Head indention after fall

2013-05-04T00:00:17Z

I have a son that just turned 2 years old. Nearly 3 weeks ago, he was speeding through his room and slipped on his rug. He fell down head first into a shelf/table we keep near his bed. It was quite a bad fall. My husband immediately picked him up and we noticed he had a big indention in his head (on his forehead, but closer to [but not on] his temple). I totally panicked-- complete with screaming, arm waving, hyperventilating and the full range of hysterics. I threw on clothing to take him to the ER, but by the time I had gotten my sweat pants on, he had calmed down and the indention had turned into a swollen goose egg.

He started playing again almost immediately. He didn't show any signs of concussion, but we did keep him awake for 2 hours after the fall to observe him.

Like I said at the beginning, it's now been 3 weeks. My husband and I noticed a few days ago that he has an indention in his head from where he hit it on the shelf. When he's standing in a certain light that casts shadows, it's noticeable. I felt of it, and he truly does have an indention in his head from the fall. It's not huge-- maybe the first segment of my thumb could cover it. My husband thinks it could be leftover swelling, but it's definitely not.

Should I take him to the doctor for this? Could this be bad? What would they do?

Children's birthday party etiquette question

2013-05-03T00:53:37Z

Hello. My son is an elementary school student. We are going to invite some of his classmates to his birthday party. One of the classmates has a younger sister who is also my son's friend. My son wants to invite the girl too. Would it be ok to invite the girl whereas other classmates also have siblings we are not going to invite. I would like to use Evite and also to send an email to that mother that both of her children are invited but I am not sure whether it is appropriate.

ergo carrier without infant insert

2013-05-01T23:53:00Z

Babywearers out there: when can I use my Ergo without the infant insert? I bought it used when my son was probably a year old, and it didn't come with an infant insert. I'd like to use it for my daughter but I don't want to buy the insert, and I don't know when it will be appropriate to use it without the insert. She's two months old and has excellent head control, but she's a tiny 8 pounds. Is it a head control thing or a size thing? If it's a size issue, can I maybe put a blanket in there with her to help support her? I have a Moby wrap but we've used it like 10 times and I'm still not comfortable with it.

ETA: I tried it and she loved it! Thanks to all of you I was able to wear her and play with my toddler! =)

parenting101 @ 2013-05-01T18:41:00

2013-05-01T22:41:46Z

My newborn (almost six weeks old) screams like heck from about 3:45 until about 6:30 every afternoon/evening. This has been going on for about two weeks now, maybe three weeks although it used to only last an hour and started later in the day.

I try nursing, swaddling, shushing, swaying that whole thing and it helps intermittently but the screaming always resumes. I think she's overtired/over stimulated but I have a 2.5 y/o son and can't do much about it. He has no clue how to stay quiet and the screaming really stresses him out so I usually have to put on a movie for him which in turn over stimulates her more (the noise), lather rinse repeat. She screams in the car, if I wear her, in the stroller, in the swing, you get the picture. Tonight she stopped for about twenty minutes in the bath with me but that was about it.

When hubby gets home (at 6:00 so well into the screaming episodes) I immediately take her to bed (dimly lit room, white noise) and typically she calms and sleeps but it takes at least thirty minutes to an hour to get her to that point so it's really impossible for me to do it earlier without someone supervising my son. I think that's what she really needs though so it is frustrating that I can't take her up and try to get her to calm down. I tried bringing my son up with me today but he was just too noisy and made it worse :-(

I'm thinking there's nothing much to do here but ride it out until she grows out of it? Anyone know how long that might take? I'm also getting concerned bc these episodes are getting longer and more intense the past few days instead of shorter like I'd hope for.

Also, because of this I am basically not able to eat dinner or see my husband at all :-( I know it's only a short period of time but it sucks. I'm tired, I have things I wanna do in the evening and I miss my husband!

Has anyone gone through anything like this at all? My first did this too but it wasn't as bad (that I can remember) - probably bc there wasn't an older sibling in the equation lol sigh.

Tl;dr - newborn screams for apx three hours every afternoon evening. I've tried all the tricks. When will it end? She's ~6 weeks old.

Neighborhood kid rules

2013-04-30T00:38:58Z

We recently moved into a suburban neighborhood and our home has (to our slight dismay) and in-ground pool. All the neighborhood kids already know this pool is here. I have only 1 child, aged 28 months, who is very social and reasonably advanced for his age, so plays well with older than him children who don't mind him acting like a baby once in awhile.

So. We have several neighborhood girls that have started coming to our house every.single.day after school. Not preschool or kindergarten. Like 1st-4th graders. These 7-11 year olds are coming over to "play" with my son but inevitably want to go into our pool or into our house. "Can we just put our feet in?" "Can we use your bathroom?" "Can we see Jackson's bedroom?" They ask for food/drinks. They want my son to share all of his toys when they are over because that is what is appropriate for THEIR age but my son, who is not even 2.5 struggles with this and while I encourage sharing, I don't think he should have to give equal turns of his tractor to a 7 year old girl who is too big to even be playing with it. I realize that they are using the line that they want to "play" with my son to take advantage of the things my home has to offer (games, pool, attention, food, occasional treats, etc.)

On the one hand, he LOVES playing with these kids and constantly asks if they can come over. They play nicely with him. He has no concept of rules/boundaries for them and constantly calls them into the yard and invites them into the house when they come over and knock on the door.

On the other hand, I am getting sick of being the parent to 3-5 kids instead of just my own. I don't ever see the parents of these kids and J is too little to just go over to their houses for awhile to "share the burden" (not to mention I have no idea if their parents are even home). They come over when my son is napping and ring the doorbell over and over and over again, even though I have told them that my son naps and not to do it. I feel unsure of what their rules are when I share snacks and treats but feel weird not letting them have some when they are over.

My first thought is just to set down some strict rules and taping them to my door and telling them explicitly what the rules are if they are over. My mom likes this idea and says if they violate a rule, I should send them home for the rest of the day. My husband wants to talk to the parents, which I also agree with, but I don't know what they can/can't control since I don't have any idea if they are even aware of what their kids are doing or even home to keep them in check. I also don't know how to approach it, since I don't mind them over, just not every single day from the time school gets out until the sun sets. I know it will only be worse when school lets out for the summer.

So what do, p101? What groundrules do I need to lay down? I hate being the bad guy. :/

ETA: I haven't allowed them to swim at all yet, but that hasn't stopped them from asking All.The.Time. I make up excuses why they can't do what they ask and I guess I just need to suck it up and just make the rules rules instead of excuses.

-Do not ring the doorbell. Knock once, then go home
-No playing in the pool/backyard area at all unless we invite you
-Go home for food/drinks/bathroom
-No playing in the house

Umbrella strollers

2013-04-29T23:25:23Z

Anyone have experience with a Lamaze ignite stroller? I'm looking for a cheaper equivalent to a Maclaren without compromising too much quality.

Thanks!

what should i pay a live in nanny?

2013-04-29T22:46:00Z

I live where min. wage is 9.19/hr (WA state). Household employees don't get time and a half if they live with you. I'd buy all the food and the live-in would have own room and full bathroom.

What would you pay as salary for 50 hours of live-in childcare/week for a toddler and infant? Rates here for live-out childcare range from obvs. illegal 5/hr to 20/hr.

I comply with all legal regulations and taxes for household employees in the United States and pay over the table. I already have live-out help for about 45-50 hours/week, but am considering a live-in for the flexibility of the hours.

I don't quite get the downer on separated parents.

2013-04-29T18:05:39Z

obviously the ideal to loving parents at home is best,
but i tend to think separation is better than fighting all the time.
now i'm a single parent and i try not to slag off the boys father. (i must admit i don't expect the same courtesy (though he hasn't as far as i know)

I can see how hearing about how half of you in bad would be damaging.but if the two parents are able to be civil, and even get along what's the problem? could it not even be superior because you get undivided parental attention?

I guess discuss.

gum cut.

2013-04-28T10:04:08Z

So the boy(4) on what i think was last tuesday slipped as we where getting off the bus and his mouth was bleeding from somewhere. We showed the war wound to the childminder and i left. he's been complaining of a sore mouth for a few days. I looked last night and there is something there.it doesn't look super inflamed just like dead hanging on bit. i put tea tree obn it last night and will continue to do so as he allows. I guess I'll call the dentist on monday but is there something else I should be doing?

Neighbour Dog Waking the Baby

2013-04-27T16:39:35Z

So, one of our neighbours -- I can't tell which one, thanks to a gated/fenced cul-de-sac behind which the dog (and presumably its owners) live -- has a dog that barks, loudly, every morning at about 6:30am, waking up our toddler every day without fail.

This infuriates me, because before this, he slept until about 8am every day. The dog barking started a couple months ago, before the DST switch. (I dunno if it's a newly acquired dog, or if they started a newspaper subscription, or what.) The barking's stayed consistent with the clock -- meaning, dog barked at 6:30 standard time, and still 6:30 daylight saving time. I assume it's not worth it to call the cops if I can't even tell them which neighbour it is. :\

What are some good ways to help our son sleep through the noise? This is seriously screwing with the entire family's sleep; my husband's and my circadian rhythms don't let us go to sleep early enough to get a full night's sleep in before 6:30 (even if we try to go to bed at, say, 10, we just can't fall asleep; it sucks!), and the toddler won't take more than one nap at best anyway.

We're already doing white noise (ocean waves and large box fan). Soundproofing the window better won't help, because soon it'll be summer and we'll have to have the windows open to cool the nursery; we, like the vast majority of houses in the region, don't have A/C (and installing it would run $4-5k! yikes!).

Sooo... what else can we do? Anything?

Thanks very much for any ideas!

Getting my kid to use the toilet at home?

2013-04-25T20:43:20Z

I have a two and a half year old girl and a few months we tried to start potty training. She reacted by holding it and flat out refusing to go at all (one day she held it from 8 at night until 4 the next day!). Her pediatrician told us she wasn't ready and to avoid bladder infections from holding it, stop trying to train her and just let her go in her pull-up so we did.

Imagine my shock when last week, her daycare teacher told me potty training was going "really well". I jokingly asked if she had the right kid and she told me at school, kiddo goes on the toilet 90% of the time, really only wetting her pull-up post nap which a lot of them do. I figure this meant we were ready, but at home whenever I ask if she wants to use the toilet, I get a no. Or she doesn't even mention the toilet, just comes to inform me when her pants are wet.

I know at school, most of her pals (the kids she talks about by name) are fully trained. So I'm guessing at school, she's following their lead with the toilet. But anyone have any advice for how I can let her know its cool to use the toilet at home too? We've tried everything from praise to flat out bribery (M & M's for going on the toilet!) and I'm at a loss!

Discipline issue

2013-04-25T16:33:54Z

I have a 2.5 almost 3 year old who is no longer listening when I tell her no/stop. She thinks its all a game and that its HILARIOUS to continue doing what she's doing. :(

Mostly it has to do with our poor cat. My daughter wants to play with her, but her idea of playing is not the same as our cat's. DD will head butt her, lay on her, roll on her, hit her, and pull her tail.

I thought I had gotten past this phase when she was younger and showed her how to be nice to the cat. :/

The other day she pulled the cat's tail and would not let go. I tried prying her fingers off and I'd get one hand off then go to the other one and she'd put the first one back. I had to smack her leg to get her to let go. :/

Then yesterday she kept rolling on the cat and head butting her and wouldn't stop. I had to pick her up and physically restrain her so she would leave the cat alone.

I just don't know what to do. The cat isn't something I can take away and nothing I've done keeps her from doing it again. We've never done time out because I'm not sure it would work. DD is VERY active. She doesn't sit still for anything and I'm worried that constantly putting her back in the time out spot would just become a game for her.

Please help! My poor kitty would love to no longer be harassed and I would like to have a daughter that behaves.

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