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Parenting 101

A Beginner Course in Creative Parenting


Entries by tag: discipline

Dessert
megamuphen
Is dessert a regular thing in your household? I was reading old posts and occasionally see taking dessert away as a discipline strategy.

Dessert was never a thing growing up for me except for special occasions, and it definitely isn't a thing in my house now... The expectation of a treat every night doesn't strike me as especially healthy.

Parenting a 3 year old
chirho
carriede
My son is driving me crazy, and I don't know what to do about it.

I'd say 70% of it is my attitude, 20% is the fact that he's three, and 10% is that his Twos weren't so Terrible (so the big issues are just now coming out).

He is CONSTANTLY pushing boundaries, disobeying, and flexing his independence in a way that DEMANDS me to reign him in. And I know I'm not responding appropriately. I get angry, offended, spiteful... I recognize this, but I have a hard time responding appropriately because I feel like I have no tools to help me to discipline him. I've tried timeout with limited success. And I think he's ready to potty train, but I do NOT want to deal with that power struggle. He'll go #2 in the potty, all by himself, and occasionally #1, but he has no motivation to ditch the diapers completely. Dinner time is a mess too.

1) I would like to know what other strategies have worked for you all in reigning in a 3 year old. I do not believe him to be high strung or have any special needs beyond simply being three.

2) Also, DH and I have a hard time discussing our options because I think that DH's expectations are too high for a 3 year old's behavior. He finally admitted that DS may have a hard time with impulse control (only after I pointed out that ADULTS have a hard time keeping their cool when upset). Are there any resources out there that define what a typical 3 year old is/is not capable of doing?

3) I'd also like some suggestions on parenting books for this age. I like Discipline by Ray Guarendi, but it's geared to slightly older children.

I just need some tricks to keep in a back pocket. And some extra patience if anyone has some of that lying around...

TIA!

time out
pretty but useless
let_letitbe


I decided to try time outs with my 18 month old. only for dangerous things like climbing in kitchen chairs and on the table. the only time out place I could think of was her crib that she still uses. it backfired big time. now she is fighting bedtime which she hasn't done in about a month. she's fine and sleepy until I lay her down then all hell breaks loose.

 

any ideas? she doesn't sit still ever so I can't just make her sit down for the minute and a half without physically holding het down. we don't have space to put up a pack n play (always known as baby jail in our house) since we moved. it works and she's stopped most of her dangerous acts in less than three days. it is just bedtime that os a pain now. we used the ferber method at 13 months so shes were no strangers to crying at bedtime but she was doing wonderfully before timeouts in her crib.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.


I am at my wits end
proud
coryrain
Help me P101, you are my only hope.
I am two seconds away from giving my two year old her first spanking. She will not stop jumping on the sofa in our playroom. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
I have spent MONTHS re-directing.
I have done a rewards chart and given stickers for jump free days
I have rearranged the furniture multiple times in an effort to find a place for the sofa that would be less interesting to jump from.
I have tried time out.
I have tried the "Happiest Toddler on the Block" method, and while it works for most things, it does nothing for this.
She has several bean bag chairs in the room that are safe to jump on.

I can't remove the sofa from the room. There is no where else to store it in our house. I do not want to sell it and I have no family or friends in the area that have the space to take it. So, getting rid of it is not an option.

I know some people would say "let her jump, it'll get old." I have also done this and I think it made the problem worse. She does crazy kamikaze dives off the thing and has already gotten a nice black eye from her jumping. I really don't feel like having a 2 year old with a cast on. :(
This as been an one going issue for over 6 months now.

Is there anything I haven't tried?
Good cocktail recipes for me?

3 year old is mean to one parent
Firefly - Kaylee shiny is
chezalee
I have a "threenager" (my new favorite term) who sometimes acts very rude toward his dad. It will come out of nowhere and I'm a loss what to do about it. He'll suddenly say "No! Go away!" and be really mean when the only thing his dad did was walk into the room or say something innocuous to him. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens enough that we need to do something about it.

I think a solution to the problem is that they need to spend more alone time together (we spend a lot of time together as a family, but they don't spend much time together without me). However, this doesn't solve the issue of what to do when he's rude to his dad. Sometimes we can reason with him and get him to say "Please leave me alone" instead of "Go away!", but it doesn't always work. Also, his dad shouldn't have to leave the room just because he said he doesn't want him there.

I'm not a fan of the forced apology ("Say you're sorry or you're going in time out!" kind of thing), but I honestly don't know how to handle it. It seems like whatever I try just makes it worse. I can tell it hurts my husband's feelings when his son says these things to him, so I really want to get him to stop doing it. Advice?

Discipline Questions
Dino Shoop
yooperchild
 At what age does it become appropriate to begin trying some type of discipline?

My baby will be 9 months the end of April. Recently, she's developed what I can only describe as an attitude. Doesn't want to eat/sit in the high chair anymore? Scream and smack her head against the back of the chair, until someone pulls her out. Tonight, it was getting towards her usual bed/bath time, so I picked her up off her "play blanket" and toys. She clenched her whole body, screamed in my face and "bit" my shoulder. She just getting her first tooth (and it's only half there), but I was surprised how much it already hurt. All because she was pissed I took her away from her toys! At least once a day, we have a mini-baby tantrum about something that displeases her.

She still seems way to young to actually understand any type of discipline, but does anyone have any resources to recommend?

This is my first one and I am clueless! My mother lives with my husband and I, but she is no help with advice. She's become a grandmother who thinks the baby does no wrong and when I was growing up she was a very, very strict spanker. I'm not someone who thinks the spanking ruined my life or anything and she did keep me in line.....but I was often very afraid of her when I was young and I'd like to avoid that with my little girl.

This feels very rambling, but hopefully someone can make sense out of it :-)

HALP!!
hip
_baggageclaim
My just barely one year old has discovered the great fun of shrieking, well for the fun of it. She isn't hungry or tired, maybe bored? She just likes to look at me and scream as loud as she can, for as long as she can.

I love her, but she is breaking me.

I have no idea what to do. I've tried saying "no" and not encouraging it but omg it just won't stop.

Ideas please and thank you!!

(no subject)
mother and child
cindyanne1

I am a stay at home mom of six children.  My youngest just turned three and is very active.  In the afternoon, I have him and my 5 year old with me, alone... since the older kids are at school.

The family room is childproofed, and sealed off from the rest of the house (an open floor plan) with a large gate that is bolted to the walls.  It's a Hearthgate which is made to go around fireplaces, but is good for use in the rest of the house as well.

My son is pretty tall for his age, and like I said... he's active.  He's started to climb over the gate.  In seconds, he can scale right over it and not miss a beat.  This isn't an issue when I'm there... I can scoop him right back up and put him back in the family room and redirect him.  But when I'm out of the room... ugh.  Just now I went to the bathroom and came back to find him out.  And in the three minutes he was out, he'd thrown books off of shelves, pushed buttons on the computer, and spilled water all over himself and the floor from the push-dispenser in the front of the fridge.  Once I found him in my 13 year old daughter's room getting into her things... CD's, jewelry, etc.

Normal three-year-old stuff... I know this.  He's number six after all.  But he is, so far, the only kid I've had that has been able to climb over my safety gates at this young age.  I've asked the five year old to let me know when he gets out of the family room, and she does... sometimes.  But I feel like that shouldn't be on her shoulders either. 

What I'm thinking about doing is getting one of those "toddler leashes" like this and securing it somewhere in the family room.  Like perhaps to a chair or the linen closet doorknob... hooking him up to it when I have to leave the room, and unhooking him when I return.  He wouldn't be restrained for longer than the few minutes it would take me to go to the bathroom or put laundry away or whatever, and I wouldn't use it when there were other people here capable of keeping an eye on him, like my husband or older children.

I hate the idea of doing something like that... but I am really at my wit's end with him and I don't know what else to do.  What do you all think? 

I'm going to throw my 2 year old over a bridge...
Sophie & Alex
teamrose
Ok. Ok. That's me exaggerating.

My daughter is 27 months and sleep is hell around here. There have been a lot of changes recently. September 7th we moved from Germany to California, and then on October 1st we moved into our own apartment. She recently potty trained (about 3 weeks ago) and weaned (about 2 weeks ago) pretty much by herself but I didn't offer, she didn't ask. We've also gone from co-sleeping to her being in her own room, with a nightlight and her door open (my door is open all night as well).

Now, the issues that we are having: Every night is a struggle. At bedtime (7:30pm) we do prayer and then I read to her while patting her back. She falls asleep relatively easy and I then leave. She will sleep for an hour maybe two and then wake up asking for me to come back and pat her back until she falls asleep. Sometimes this takes forever, sometimes it takes 5 minutes, but if I refuse; she SCREAMS and tantrums. I'm a single mom and the stress is breaking me down, I literally have to close the door whilst letting her scream, in order to keep myself from screaming back! I wouldn't mind patting her back but if I refuse it's hell and she's been waking up anywhere from 4-9 times a night. I have no clue what to do but I cannot spend 50% of the night rushing to her side to pat her back or sitting there being screamed at.

She's also picked up some very disturbing behaviors such as hitting, biting, screaming, yelling "no" and "uhuh", and even saying bitch. Usually she starts tantruming and if I try to reason with her or ignore her, she screams and combines any of the aforementioned behaviors. I've never been a spanker and she's yet to be smacked, but this kind of behavior makes me wonder if it's time to think of some new "discipline". I just can't take it anymore....please....help us.

Parenting Rules
Whatever
polychrome_baby
We have a weird rule in our house; no clapping while someone else is crying. When someone else is sad, it's not okay to celebrate, and it's not okay to make everyone else sad unnecessarily (crying in your room is encouraged for the melacholic, seeking out hugs and love for the simple "I need cheering up" or for the "help me! this is bad." feelings).

This rule is entirely made from my own philosophies about empathy and sympathy and the importance of such, and I totally wouldn't expect such an abstract rule to be practiced in other houses.

When I was little, my mom had a rule that I was not allowed to flush the toilet unnecessarily or pour things in toilets. This rule was necessitated on my unerring fascination with the whooshing and draining of a toilet full of water (or one that I had added shampoo to to see the bubbles). I was a weird kid.

Does your household have any abstract, strange, quirky or just plain weird rules? What predicated them?

Laws Concerning Food and Drink
Hand - sandcastle
theidolhands
I just heard this and was screaming as well as laughing, thought I'd share.

These are rules that you may be familiar with from your own childhood, ones held as true as gospel, and therefore are written here humorously as such. Further proof that insanity is indeed hereditary, you get it from your children.

Laws Concerning Food and Drink;
Household Principles;
Lamentations of the Father
by Ian Frazier


The Living Room
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.


continuedCollapse )

Discipline for a 1 year old?
childlike_faith
How do I stop my 13 month old son from smacking the television? This is driving me, and mainly husband, absolutely insane. Eli has been crawling over to the t.v, pulling himself up and smacking the screen over and over as hard as he can.
I'm sure he's doing it because it gets us to run over and pull him away and he likes the attention. We can't let him do this because he's going to ruin the screen but we can't get him to stop.
We've pulled him away, told him "no" (which he just turns and laughs at), I've even lightly smacked his hand. In the time it's taken me to type this, he's gone and done this four times. I just now pulled him away, said "no" and sat him on the floor and kept him there for 10-15seconds.  How can we get him to stop?!

Oh, and while we're at it, he loves playing in the dog's water dish and eating the dog food. Can't keep him out of there either. And unfortunately, there's no where we can put the dog food/water that Eli can't get to it but the dog can.

A child that hits...
echo_narcisis
So, I've now fallen upon the problem of my two and a half year old hitting.
So far its only been me she's been hitting ( Usually a hard slap and she runs away laughing).
What should I do?
I don't want to spank her, and I've tried time outs....

I just don't want her to think that hitting is okay, because she has a five month old brother. He really doesn't deserve the abuse.

Peeling Wallpaper
cat-artemis running
sayga
I need help making the "punishment fit the crime" for my almost 5 year old daughter (she'll be 5 in August).

We have a wallpaper border around our downstairs bathroom. I put it up myself about 3 years ago, so it was new, not peeling and looked good. Starting about a year ago, my daughter started peeling the wallpaper off the wall. At the time, I scolded her and explained WHY we don't do that. It stopped for a while, except every now and then, I thought the missing strip along the bottom might be bigger.

Well, today I noticed that she's peeled it all the way to the back wall, and there were thin strips of wallpaper hidden behind the toilet. I checked with my husband, and it wasn't him! ;) I guess I know now why she always says, "Mommy, can I have some privacy please?" She just wants to be left alone to cause mischief.

I can't entirely blame her. I remember peeling the wallpaper off my bathroom walls as a kid too. But now the bathroom looks like crap and I want to replace the border. I don't know how to teach her a lesson so that she won't do it anymore, and so that the punishment fits the crime.

What would you do?

Parents...Please Control Your Children...
roormrdinosaur
I apologize in advance if this seems too mean or anything I'm not saying if you spoil your children your a bad parent because I completely understand that you love your child and want to just do everything for him/her but...just here's my view...

Well here's something that's been bothering me for a while and I think it's time I started to address it to the public. You see, I work at a daycare and I've been seeing way too many spoiled kids.

"Mommy, Mommy! I want that new Hannah Montanna backpack!"
"Not today Honey"
"Mommy! I want it! I want it!"
"No Honey, I can't buy it today"
*Child starts throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store*
"Fine fine!  You can have it just sit down and be quiet"
*Child sits down without even saying Thank You to his/her Mom and will probably only use the backpack a few times then forget about it*

If you teach your children to NOT do this in the first place, you won't have to be embarassed in the store while your trying to buy necessary items for your family like food.

Spoiled children is pretty up there on the list of things that bother me and I really wish that there was some way I can tell the parents "You must stop spoiling your children! It's not good for them in the long run and they'll become bratty teenagers which may turn into greedy adults" Now,  I am NOT saying by any means that every child will turn out this way however, it is more than likely. If your son/daughter wants something and you say "No" the answer should remain as such. Do not break down because they nag you or they look at you like "Mommy/Daddy Please?" or they begin to cry. Unfortunately I believe that you should just explain to them why they cannot have everything and that will in turn make the things that they do receive even more special. NOTE: First Time Parents: I realize that you love your child and it is a blessing to have your first kid and you want to make sure that the child has an amazing life so you must shower him/her with gifts. The truth is, if you teach them early on that material possessions do NOT make life happier then they will understand when you say no. The will thank you for it in the future, trust me. Teach them how to be kind, how to share and love. Wouldn't you rather have a loving child that needs nothing but his/her own creativity to find things to amuse them? Parents, give your son/daughter a rock, tell them to draw eyes on it and I guarantee you it will be the same thing as them owning an annoying Furby or something (And without the noise!) With this economy, who wouldn't want to save some bucks by making a home made toy?

I ask you parents, why do you spoil your children? Don't you see that they are children? They don't need all of these material possessions. They need you to love them and teach them to be kind and generous. Children have such creative minds of their own and can think up numerous amounts of things to do with a simple rock. I hope I'm not the only one...Who else can agree on this with me?

(Just take note, I know I am 20 years old but seriously I see things that can help you in the long run with your children. I see what they see for I am a child myself...Start thinking like your child and you'll know how to parent that much better! =] )

should i change my ways?
me and Kay
chuchuchie
my little girl is 1 year and 10 months old and acts in two different ways: one way with daddy and one way with me. basically, she's very reserved, nice and "well behaved" with daddy while needy, loud and whiny with me. whenever the three of us go out, she doesn't listen to anything her daddy tells her to do and mostly turns to me when she wants something.

my parenting style is more laid back and open where i ask her about something before i do it. i also let her make her own choices a lot of the times, and i negotiate rather than just saying "no/don't..." and having her scream or cry. that's mostly my motivation: to keep her content and happy...

my hubby has the same motivation, but is more commanding and decides a lot for her. an example would be leaving the park after an afternoon of play. with me, i'd have to negotiate with my reluctant girl until she says ok and wants to go home. it's either that or tear her away screaming and squirming in my arms... with him, he would say something like "time to go home" with a firm commanding voice and she would quietly stop what she's doing and go with very minimum resistance.

we are fine when we take her out separately, but when we're all together, it usually ends in a disaster... :( am i doing something wrong...?

please feel free to ask if you need more info.

thanks!!

I was stumped
run fatty
foxbaby
I was out for lunch yesterday with my in laws, my sister in law, and my 20 month old son at a gourmet pizza type restaurant. There wasn't many people there and I chose a table away from other diners.

My kid was excited and running all over the place. I was attempting to at least keep the noise level down.

Says my MIL, "I like it when he yells and runs around in places like this, everyone gets so hilariously offended. I think it's funny. You know, in banks and on the train, too. My kids ran wild all the time."

She was dead serious. I was going to say something about how I really don't like disturbing other people who have a right to a peaceful lunch, but I was too shocked.

(In the end I got the waitress to make him a bowl of milk and foam so he could scrabble around and spoonfeed himself, which kept him occupied)

tl;dr: What on earth? Should I be worried about her undermining my efforts at discipline? (She has him one night a week). eta: she does take him out to public places by herself

Picture Chore Charts and Household Helpers
fkgirl
Has anyone taken the time to find clip art/pictures for your younger ones' chore charts?  I've found several online and there are a TON of great resources, but for ideas, I was curious to what you all might have too.  If you'd like, please feel free to post your charts that you've put together or anything else that you have that makes your household run smoothly.

Also, if you have any tips and tricks that you think others could benefit from, feel free to post those too! 

One thing I've been doing with my kids for a LONG time is marbles.  I have 2 gold fish bowls one of them filled with marbles.  One bowl is mine, the other is my boys' who are 5 and 9 1/2.  When they do something I ask and it's done right, or if they do something great I put marbles from my bowl to theirs!  That works the other way too, if they are fighting with each other or not minding, then I take marbles.  The point is when all the marbles are out of my bowl and in their bowl, they get a reward.  My kids usually take about 2 months average to get all their marbles, so it's a pretty big reward.  That's all I have for right now, but if I think of more I'll add them. 

Anyway, feel free to tell us all your tips!  Be sure to add the ages of your children so we can all apply it personally:)

Help! How to break back talking?
reedswifee
So our 2.5 year old has started talking back/yelling ever since my MIL and her 10 year old left. (They stayed with us for 3 1/2 weeks). When my MIL was trying to discipline her 10 year old, or tell him to not do something he would answer with "I KNOW!" or "MOOOOM!" . It ticked me off to no end. So our 2 year old picked up on that and it is so hard to break. He doesn't talk much but every time we discipline him he thinks it is okay to yell or talk back like that at us. What to do???? We have really high ceilings in the house so it echoes like crazy and it just drives me nuts that he is being like that and I feel like such a failure. This is also why we've decided to not let the inlaws stay in our house anymore when they come visit because their 10 year old is such a bad influence while we are trying our hardest to discipline our 2 year old.


TIA!

(no subject)
Misc - Asskicking Boots
quinnypin
Orion is 3 years and 3 months old. Today we've decided it's a good idea to start him with his reward chart - there are a few minor behavioural problems I'd like to address, and he loves his stickers. He had a chart when he was potty training and he loved it.

Now he's a little older, I'm writing a list of things he gets stickers for, and a list of rewards he can have if he gets all of the boxes filled in a day. I'm getting a bit stuck for ideas for the rewards though. Those of you who use reward charts (and those who don't!) what sort of things do you have as rewards if your child fills the chart?

Thanks in advance!

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